I'm back to work today after being on vacation for the last week. I'm glad to be back. Only here can I forget about problems and heartaches and just engulf myself in the lives of other people's medical lives. My regular partner is on an extended vacation to work on harvest so I've been getting random partners every day. This will be a good week. I am working with 2 people that I really like today and the medic whom I most want to be like tomorrow. It's been a pretty nice day. Got to run a diabetic call. I think those calls are fun. You get to see the patient improve almost immediately.
I couldn't seem to eat until just a few minutes ago. My worries were getting the best of me. I am feeling much better now that I've gotten back into the groove. I also got to see my daughter, which helps. I like days that we are both working and I get to run into her at work. Just heard the first heat exposure call of the day come out. I bet we will see a lot of that this week. I made sure we were stocked up on iv fluids and ice packs.
I thought of something odd the other day. There are certain things that I say to patients that make it almost impossible not to break out in song. When I'm assessing their level of consciousness, I commonly ask "you know where you are?" In my head, I always hear "you're in the jungle baby....you're gonna dieee...".
There was more...but it's going to have to wait for another day. I can't concentrate on this right now. I will be back though!
Monday, June 29, 2015
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Smalltown medicing
I don't know if all small town medics have these thoughts. I'm sure they do. I don't really think that I'm anything special or extraordinary. But for those who don't live this kind of a life, I will share some of the things that enter my head on a regular basis.
My husband is on the volunteer fire dept here in town. I adore all of our ff. I don't know what we would do without their help. They started going on all of our medical calls a few years ago. There's only a couple of them that are medically trained. That doesn't matter to me though. These guys will do anything we ask them to. They have done chest compressions on people they know and love. They go and retrieve equipment. They crawl into places that my big a$$ won't fit. They have worked tirelessly in mangled messes of what was one time a car, squished next to bodies, trying to free them from wreckage. They block traffic on busy roadways. They are the eyes in the back of my head. When I'm focusing on a patient, they have my back, keeping me safe and anticipating my needs. They are there to help lift when my partner can't lift. Our relationship is so that we can make eye contact and they know what I need or what I'm saying. They recently lost one of their brothers. I was on that call. That call was our worst nightmare that came true. Those are the days that I fear the most. All responders dread that call. The only silver lining on calls like that is knowing that I did everything I could and more. I know that if survival was meant to be that day, it would have happened, because I did everything I could. That soul received the best possible care. Calls like that make you so thankful for the people you see everyday on calls, that have your back. It makes you love your brothers and sisters that much more.
Now for the down side...lol. Our volunteer fire dept is not bound by hippa like we are. I am not speaking towards any of them other than my husband. My husband cannot keep a secret. He has a chronic case of diarrhea of the mouth. His words leave his face before his brain has time to catch up. I am terrified that he is going to send me to prison. I never discuss details of calls with him. Because I know, he just cannot keep a secret. I can't control what he sees on calls with the fire dept though. But it terrifies me. Especially in our small town. What do small towns love besides fried chicken, Jesus and football? Gossip. Especially the juicy kind involving emergency lights and sirens. I have told and told him, please please don't gossip about calls. Even if I'm not there on the call. People are going to assume that I have given him the details. It could end badly for us. The chronic diarrhea of the mouth always seems to prevail though.
Another down side is when I'm out and about in town I always run into someone who's wife, husband, son, daughter, sister, brother, mother or father I have had as a patient. I don't know most of these people very well. But it feels like I have to speak to them to be friendly, but it's awkward. The ones who's family member died feel the most awkward for me. Since I don't know them that well, I feel like I am a reminder of one of the worst days of their life. I awkwardly say hello to be polite, but seem to always catch them looking at me. It makes me feel bad. That I remind them of that day. The ones that I know a little better are not quite as awkward, but still make me feel weird. They thank me over and over again. I don't want those people to feel like they have to thank me. I'm not special. This is what I have studied to be and do. If this was the area in which they had chosen to specialize, they would have done the exact same things that I did to take care of their loved one. I know it is awkward for them too. And I'm not complaining, just trying to give a glimpse into what it's like. I go out to walk my miles around the walking path and it's very rarely that I can go and get home without running into a former patient or their family. I think the worst ones for me are the ones who are angry. They feel like I or our crew should have done something different. These people don't understand that we do the things that we do under a Drs orders. Drs orders change with scientific research throughout the years. What we did back when they were on the department is very different now. I wish I could produce a positive outcome on every call. Death or disability is beyond my power though. Bad things happen. I wish they didn't. But they do. I just wish that everyone understood that bad outcomes affect us too. Next to them, nobody is more sorry than me when their loved one dies. Even though I know deep down that it's beyond my control, I feel responsible. I spend days, weeks, years sometimes going over that call in my mind. Trying to find something that could have made a better outcome. Anyway, I don't know if the others on my department think about everything like this or if its just my hamster wheel of a brain.
It's the positives that keep me getting out of bed every morning though. The little girl who lived and kept her leg because of me. The little boy with the worst brain injury I have ever seen in a patient who is just fine, with no ill effects. The heart attack that would have died if I wouldn't have treated it. The cardiac arrest patient who died, but his family knows that I did everything in my power to save him. The mentally ill patient, who's daughter knew that I would be kind to him, and make him feel calm and reassured on his way to seek treatment. My friends and neighbors, who know that they can come to me with their fears and concerns. Those are the reasons that I keep doing this.
Every call makes me a little better. A little smarter.
My husband is on the volunteer fire dept here in town. I adore all of our ff. I don't know what we would do without their help. They started going on all of our medical calls a few years ago. There's only a couple of them that are medically trained. That doesn't matter to me though. These guys will do anything we ask them to. They have done chest compressions on people they know and love. They go and retrieve equipment. They crawl into places that my big a$$ won't fit. They have worked tirelessly in mangled messes of what was one time a car, squished next to bodies, trying to free them from wreckage. They block traffic on busy roadways. They are the eyes in the back of my head. When I'm focusing on a patient, they have my back, keeping me safe and anticipating my needs. They are there to help lift when my partner can't lift. Our relationship is so that we can make eye contact and they know what I need or what I'm saying. They recently lost one of their brothers. I was on that call. That call was our worst nightmare that came true. Those are the days that I fear the most. All responders dread that call. The only silver lining on calls like that is knowing that I did everything I could and more. I know that if survival was meant to be that day, it would have happened, because I did everything I could. That soul received the best possible care. Calls like that make you so thankful for the people you see everyday on calls, that have your back. It makes you love your brothers and sisters that much more.
Now for the down side...lol. Our volunteer fire dept is not bound by hippa like we are. I am not speaking towards any of them other than my husband. My husband cannot keep a secret. He has a chronic case of diarrhea of the mouth. His words leave his face before his brain has time to catch up. I am terrified that he is going to send me to prison. I never discuss details of calls with him. Because I know, he just cannot keep a secret. I can't control what he sees on calls with the fire dept though. But it terrifies me. Especially in our small town. What do small towns love besides fried chicken, Jesus and football? Gossip. Especially the juicy kind involving emergency lights and sirens. I have told and told him, please please don't gossip about calls. Even if I'm not there on the call. People are going to assume that I have given him the details. It could end badly for us. The chronic diarrhea of the mouth always seems to prevail though.
Another down side is when I'm out and about in town I always run into someone who's wife, husband, son, daughter, sister, brother, mother or father I have had as a patient. I don't know most of these people very well. But it feels like I have to speak to them to be friendly, but it's awkward. The ones who's family member died feel the most awkward for me. Since I don't know them that well, I feel like I am a reminder of one of the worst days of their life. I awkwardly say hello to be polite, but seem to always catch them looking at me. It makes me feel bad. That I remind them of that day. The ones that I know a little better are not quite as awkward, but still make me feel weird. They thank me over and over again. I don't want those people to feel like they have to thank me. I'm not special. This is what I have studied to be and do. If this was the area in which they had chosen to specialize, they would have done the exact same things that I did to take care of their loved one. I know it is awkward for them too. And I'm not complaining, just trying to give a glimpse into what it's like. I go out to walk my miles around the walking path and it's very rarely that I can go and get home without running into a former patient or their family. I think the worst ones for me are the ones who are angry. They feel like I or our crew should have done something different. These people don't understand that we do the things that we do under a Drs orders. Drs orders change with scientific research throughout the years. What we did back when they were on the department is very different now. I wish I could produce a positive outcome on every call. Death or disability is beyond my power though. Bad things happen. I wish they didn't. But they do. I just wish that everyone understood that bad outcomes affect us too. Next to them, nobody is more sorry than me when their loved one dies. Even though I know deep down that it's beyond my control, I feel responsible. I spend days, weeks, years sometimes going over that call in my mind. Trying to find something that could have made a better outcome. Anyway, I don't know if the others on my department think about everything like this or if its just my hamster wheel of a brain.
It's the positives that keep me getting out of bed every morning though. The little girl who lived and kept her leg because of me. The little boy with the worst brain injury I have ever seen in a patient who is just fine, with no ill effects. The heart attack that would have died if I wouldn't have treated it. The cardiac arrest patient who died, but his family knows that I did everything in my power to save him. The mentally ill patient, who's daughter knew that I would be kind to him, and make him feel calm and reassured on his way to seek treatment. My friends and neighbors, who know that they can come to me with their fears and concerns. Those are the reasons that I keep doing this.
Every call makes me a little better. A little smarter.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Last weekend
So last weekend sucked. With a capital S. I was paying back a shift trade which meant that my regular 12-14 hour shift would turn into at least 18 hours. This leaves me with about 3 hours to sleep between shifts. This wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't such a busy rotation. I'm not even sure how many calls we ran. It was hot as fried hell outside friday, and I forgot my hygiene bag. So my clothes wound up soaked with sweat before noon. Those of you who do outside work will know exactly what I'm talking about. My clothes never dried out. It was the type of day where I didn't have time to sit down and eat all day. Between calls I peeled a couple of hard boiled eggs and ate them in the truck, but didn't have time to get the shells out of the sink.
I don't mind being this busy at all. I like running calls. It would be nice to have a few minutes to sit and eat, but it happens sometimes. As I so often do, I got a late call. My partner of the day's relief and his student showed up on scene to relieve my partner of the day. Which was great, because they took the call, which meant one less report for me to write.
The late call made me late for the shift trade that I was paying back at another post. Which meant one of the day crew had to hold over and wait for me. Evidentially the night shift person that I was working with clashes with the person who held over for me. Thankfully the night captain let us go 10-6 (out of service) until we were able to get back to post, so we wouldn't get anymore calls until everyone got where they were supposed to be. Well I was driving back to post, and got off the bypass. The night medic looked at me and says "what are you doing?" I told him that this was the way that I take back to post to avoid traffic. He goes off and says "that is way farther than the way I take. It's at least a mile on this road, and a mile on another road". This is complete horseshit. But this control freak goes on and on so I finally just told him that if he really thinks it's that much further that I would get back on the bypass and get off on his road. He said it is much further, so I went his way. I told him that the traffic was lighter the way I go. He says "you don't like traffic do you? The way he said it was incredibly condescending. All the while he is texting and sending messages on the ambulance computer. He then says "you small town people". Then I told him that I just didn't like to wait when I could save time. And he says "clearly, thats why you got a ticket a few months ago". I just tuned him out from that point on. Then we get back to post and I was hurrying around getting my things gathered up, and I stopped to rinse my egg shells down the sink (because he has complained to my partner before about our lack of cleaning, etc). He sees me doing this and says "get out of here now Dawn. I'm serious". So needless to say, I'm a little irritated.
I finally make it to post #2 and we get a call shortly after I walk in. The guy I was working with now has maybe a year of experience as a medic. He took the first call. It didn't go well. There were bugs everywhere. I took our equipment outside, was picking bugs off him, and kept my feet moving (they won't crawl up your legs as easy if you keep moving). After the call, I mentioned the bugs and he went completely code orange. Told me that I needed to tell him the next time I saw bugs. You would have to be blind not to have seen them.
So he makes me take the next 2 calls, which made me late getting off. His driving was so bad that it threw me into a cabinet. So my ass knocks the cabinet door off. It was just a horrible night. I had no help making up the cot after I dropped the pt off, which is a normal common courtesy. You remake the cot while your partner is giving bedside report. So instead, I had to remake it in the back on the way back to post. Nevermind the reports that I have to do. It was just a horrible night.
For me, the actual patient care isn't the stressful part of ems. It's the politics and people. A lot of the people in EMS are very power hungry insecure little people. I don't understand why they have to be a$$holes. If I'm working with someone who is doing an 18 hour shift, I go out of my way to help them and take the late calls. I always try to be mindful of the patient and my partner in the back when it comes to driving. And I would never be condescending towards someone as far as their choice of routes. The route I was going to take back to post was 0.23 of a mile more than the way I was dictated to take. It is much shorter with traffic. But that's one of those things that just isn't worth arguing about. To me anyway.
Days like that make me very thankful for my regular partner and the other reasonable adults that I have worked with. Thanks to the EMS Gods that I got decent partners for the rest of the weekend.
I'm sure none of my irritability had to do with sleep deprivation or hanger...lol. Yea, hanger IS a thing.
I don't mind being this busy at all. I like running calls. It would be nice to have a few minutes to sit and eat, but it happens sometimes. As I so often do, I got a late call. My partner of the day's relief and his student showed up on scene to relieve my partner of the day. Which was great, because they took the call, which meant one less report for me to write.
The late call made me late for the shift trade that I was paying back at another post. Which meant one of the day crew had to hold over and wait for me. Evidentially the night shift person that I was working with clashes with the person who held over for me. Thankfully the night captain let us go 10-6 (out of service) until we were able to get back to post, so we wouldn't get anymore calls until everyone got where they were supposed to be. Well I was driving back to post, and got off the bypass. The night medic looked at me and says "what are you doing?" I told him that this was the way that I take back to post to avoid traffic. He goes off and says "that is way farther than the way I take. It's at least a mile on this road, and a mile on another road". This is complete horseshit. But this control freak goes on and on so I finally just told him that if he really thinks it's that much further that I would get back on the bypass and get off on his road. He said it is much further, so I went his way. I told him that the traffic was lighter the way I go. He says "you don't like traffic do you? The way he said it was incredibly condescending. All the while he is texting and sending messages on the ambulance computer. He then says "you small town people". Then I told him that I just didn't like to wait when I could save time. And he says "clearly, thats why you got a ticket a few months ago". I just tuned him out from that point on. Then we get back to post and I was hurrying around getting my things gathered up, and I stopped to rinse my egg shells down the sink (because he has complained to my partner before about our lack of cleaning, etc). He sees me doing this and says "get out of here now Dawn. I'm serious". So needless to say, I'm a little irritated.
I finally make it to post #2 and we get a call shortly after I walk in. The guy I was working with now has maybe a year of experience as a medic. He took the first call. It didn't go well. There were bugs everywhere. I took our equipment outside, was picking bugs off him, and kept my feet moving (they won't crawl up your legs as easy if you keep moving). After the call, I mentioned the bugs and he went completely code orange. Told me that I needed to tell him the next time I saw bugs. You would have to be blind not to have seen them.
So he makes me take the next 2 calls, which made me late getting off. His driving was so bad that it threw me into a cabinet. So my ass knocks the cabinet door off. It was just a horrible night. I had no help making up the cot after I dropped the pt off, which is a normal common courtesy. You remake the cot while your partner is giving bedside report. So instead, I had to remake it in the back on the way back to post. Nevermind the reports that I have to do. It was just a horrible night.
For me, the actual patient care isn't the stressful part of ems. It's the politics and people. A lot of the people in EMS are very power hungry insecure little people. I don't understand why they have to be a$$holes. If I'm working with someone who is doing an 18 hour shift, I go out of my way to help them and take the late calls. I always try to be mindful of the patient and my partner in the back when it comes to driving. And I would never be condescending towards someone as far as their choice of routes. The route I was going to take back to post was 0.23 of a mile more than the way I was dictated to take. It is much shorter with traffic. But that's one of those things that just isn't worth arguing about. To me anyway.
Days like that make me very thankful for my regular partner and the other reasonable adults that I have worked with. Thanks to the EMS Gods that I got decent partners for the rest of the weekend.
I'm sure none of my irritability had to do with sleep deprivation or hanger...lol. Yea, hanger IS a thing.
Happy Vacation To Me
I decided to reward myself for a long last week of work before vacation by finally starting a real blog. I bought a domain, which makes it real.
I guess I will start by introducing myself, which will be boring for the people who know me.
I'm a 41 y/o married mom of 2. My oldest is a beautiful, sweet 25 y/o woman. I have to say that she is the best thing that I have ever done with my life. She is the kindest most tender hearted soul that I know. She is absolutely beautiful. She is everything that I wish I would have been at age 25. My youngest is a 14 y/o basketball loving, video game playing bundle of hormones who is reluctantly at times growing into a gentleman. He is getting to an age where he doesn't need his mama quite as much and it is breaking my heart. But I suppose that's part of a boy becoming a man. I have been married to his dad for 17 years this August. We have our ups and downs, but there is nobody that I would rather have these ups and downs with.
I am also a paramedic. I wasn't sure which part of me to start with. Being a paramedic is just as big a part of my soul as being a wife and mother. That probably sounds wrong, but it is what it is. My family knows this and accepts it. My husband is a volunteer firefighter, so he gets it. My daughter works in the busiest ER in Wichita, so she understands also. I have a feeling that my son will also join this calling someday in some capacity.
I work for the largest EMS service in Kansas. I absolutely love it. The politics are a bit much at times, and I doubt that I will ever be much more to them on the career ladder than a paramedic, but I'm ok with that. I want to spend my life running calls and taking care of people. I feel like there are way more opportunities to learn in this capacity. I didn't mean for that to sound snotty or spiteful. I guess I mean that there are more opportunities to learn about the stuff that interests me the most in this capacity.
I also volunteer as a paramedic in the small town where I live. They paid for my tuition to paramedic school. So I volunteer. I would have volunteered here even if they hadn't have paid my tuition though. I feel like it is something that I need to do as long as I'm able. It's challenging as hell at times, but nothing fun is easy. I'm not so great at the administrative duties that I have been given. I need to be better at that. Someone has to do some of the boring stuff too though.
I try to spend my time off doing completely un-medic like things, but it's hard to put out of my mind. I spend time with my parents. Mainly my mom. My parents live here in the same town. I go out to lunch at least once a week with my mom. I don't know what I would do without them. They pick up a lot of my slack. My boy would be lost without my mom.
I spend my weekends off with my best friends in the universe. I can live the life that I do because I know that these people will always have my back, no matter what, no matter when. My husband and I plan to retire with this couple. Move in together. We have it all planned out. We will split all of our bills and share all of our income. We have all kinds of retirement plans, that will be more easily attained with the four of us. I know it sounds weird, but you will soon learn that weird should have been included in my introduction way before now.
You will also learn that I am kind of a basket case at times. I think you have to be to have a successful life in emergency medicine though.
I guess I will start by introducing myself, which will be boring for the people who know me.
I'm a 41 y/o married mom of 2. My oldest is a beautiful, sweet 25 y/o woman. I have to say that she is the best thing that I have ever done with my life. She is the kindest most tender hearted soul that I know. She is absolutely beautiful. She is everything that I wish I would have been at age 25. My youngest is a 14 y/o basketball loving, video game playing bundle of hormones who is reluctantly at times growing into a gentleman. He is getting to an age where he doesn't need his mama quite as much and it is breaking my heart. But I suppose that's part of a boy becoming a man. I have been married to his dad for 17 years this August. We have our ups and downs, but there is nobody that I would rather have these ups and downs with.
I am also a paramedic. I wasn't sure which part of me to start with. Being a paramedic is just as big a part of my soul as being a wife and mother. That probably sounds wrong, but it is what it is. My family knows this and accepts it. My husband is a volunteer firefighter, so he gets it. My daughter works in the busiest ER in Wichita, so she understands also. I have a feeling that my son will also join this calling someday in some capacity.
I work for the largest EMS service in Kansas. I absolutely love it. The politics are a bit much at times, and I doubt that I will ever be much more to them on the career ladder than a paramedic, but I'm ok with that. I want to spend my life running calls and taking care of people. I feel like there are way more opportunities to learn in this capacity. I didn't mean for that to sound snotty or spiteful. I guess I mean that there are more opportunities to learn about the stuff that interests me the most in this capacity.
I also volunteer as a paramedic in the small town where I live. They paid for my tuition to paramedic school. So I volunteer. I would have volunteered here even if they hadn't have paid my tuition though. I feel like it is something that I need to do as long as I'm able. It's challenging as hell at times, but nothing fun is easy. I'm not so great at the administrative duties that I have been given. I need to be better at that. Someone has to do some of the boring stuff too though.
I try to spend my time off doing completely un-medic like things, but it's hard to put out of my mind. I spend time with my parents. Mainly my mom. My parents live here in the same town. I go out to lunch at least once a week with my mom. I don't know what I would do without them. They pick up a lot of my slack. My boy would be lost without my mom.
I spend my weekends off with my best friends in the universe. I can live the life that I do because I know that these people will always have my back, no matter what, no matter when. My husband and I plan to retire with this couple. Move in together. We have it all planned out. We will split all of our bills and share all of our income. We have all kinds of retirement plans, that will be more easily attained with the four of us. I know it sounds weird, but you will soon learn that weird should have been included in my introduction way before now.
You will also learn that I am kind of a basket case at times. I think you have to be to have a successful life in emergency medicine though.
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